IN CASE IT WASN’T CLEAR, THAT’S A REFERENCE TO MUTUALLY ASSURED DESTRUCTION

“The music industry will pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any threat, oppose any foe to protect the integrity of their copyrights and the copyrights of their artists.”

Time Warner president Richard Parsons, threatening to go nuclear if companies like Napster continue to threaten his music group’s profit margins on lumps of plastic, News.com, 24 July 2000

WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP TRADING STOCKS ONLINE AND GET LAID?

“I think it’s a good thing for guys and gals like you who write the future into your code to think in terms not of strict short-term markets, but rather try to start to think biologically.”

Novelist and physicist Gregory Benford, on the code-slinging set’s need to reinitialize their Maslovian stack and attend to some basic biological functions, Wired News, 21 July 2000

BRING ME THE MP3 PLAYER, IGOR

“At the same time we are in the courtroom, we are in the laboratory with the smartest people on the Internet.”

Jack Valenti, on the experiments he plans to conduct on Silicon Valley netheads, as soon as he gets done suing his old buddy Mike Ovitz, Wired News, 20 July 2000

AH, PUCK IT

“We are going from the worst mouse in the world to the best.”

Apple CEO Steve Jobs, who’s clearly been misreading that line about building a better mousetrap, Upside.com, 19 July 2000

AND IF IT DOES, I’LL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL IT GOES AWAY

“Let me tell you what else is in trouble here: the Internet. In the end, the Internet itself will not be able to survive if it becomes a haven for illegal activity.”

Seagram CEO Edgar Bronfman, whose technical staff hasn’t briefed him on how the Internet routes around dullards, too, Los Angeles Times, 17 July 2000