MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE SPLURGED ON THE UPGRADE

“It’s like flying a plane, and you’re trying to find the right altitude and you’re doing it with a four-year-old company and four-year-old processes and four-year-old systems.”

Groupon co-CEO Eric Lefkofsky, offering a not-so-reassuring mix of metaphors for how he’s steering the daily-deals company, Fast Company, 13 March 2013

ACTUALLY, YAHOO WOULD NEVER GET AROUND TO APOLOGIZING

“Although there are risks in moving too fast, companies often don’t survive long enough to apologize for moving too slow.”

Groupon CEO Andrew Mason, demonstrating his utter unfamiliarity with the giant zombies of Silicon Valley, Business Insider, 7 May 2012

UM, WHAT’S A MARKETING REPORT?

“We’re still this toddler in a grown man’s body in many ways.”

Groupon CEO Andrew Mason, comparing his online-discount empire, currently valued at $7.6 billion, to an ’80s Tom Hanks farce while drinking beer,  Wall Street Journal, 26 April 2012