DEAR INVESTORS: SIT DOWN. ROLL OVER.

“I am pleased to announce that our Board of Directors recently approved a cash bonus arrangement for certain key employees of Pets.com, Inc., including yourself.”

Pets.com executives Julie Wainwright and Chris Deyo in letters they sent each other shortly before they closed the company, divvying up some of the rapidly dissolving retailer’s cash on hand in a mutually-agreed $225,000 retention bonus, Pets.com quarterly filing, 14 November 2000

PERHAPS WE SHOULD REPHRASE “MY YAHOO”

“We’ve got an audience, and we’re going to figure out how to get money directly from them.”

Yahoo VP Matt Rightmire, on the portal’s plan to make users pay, Upside.com, 17 November 2000

IN THE MARKET OF THE BLIND, THE ONE-EYED INVESTOR IS KING

“We don’t see any further investments in the Internet.”

Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, groping his way through the market after watching his investment in Priceline burn up, News.com, 16 November 2000

DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND REDESIGN YOUR FACE

“In the future, first of all, websites will be designed by my guidelines … for the simple reason that if they don’t, they are dead.”

Usability enforcer Jakob Nielsen, making website designers an offer they can’t refuse, Wired News, 15 November 2000

JOB SECURITY: TOO CLOSE TO CALL

“Do CEOs get to ask for a recount?”

Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina, delivering a keynote at Comdex after the final count revealed the company missed expected earnings by almost $200 million this quarter, ZDNN, 13 November 2000