CREDIT CARD FRAUD? WE’RE TOO BUSY BILKING SHAREHOLDERS

“Internet merchants haven’t always come out of the old catalog business, and sometimes they have little experience in business. They’re often new and often focused on IPOs and other stuff.”

Visa executive Dave Richey, on the warring priorities of the online merchants who pay his company fees to take credit cards over the Web, News.com, 24 March 2000

TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE

“We want to be the company that comes to mind when businesses need help in the new digital economy.”

Bob Bernard, CEO of newly formed Web services conglomerate MarchFirst, on his firm’s preëminent status among companies that really need help on the Web, ZDNN, 23 March 2000

WE KINDA, SORTA, MAYBE REALLY SUCKED

“In hindsight, we realize that our software experience was too complex. Maybe we didn’t have as good designs as our competitors. We understand we’re not exactly No. 1.”

Microsoft Pocket PC product manager Phil Holden, on his company’s decidedly second-rate handheld software products, News.com, 22 March 2000

NO SALE IS EVER FINAL

“Revenue always comes in the last two weeks of the quarter, and that has always been understood by everyone.”

MicroStrategy CEO Michael Saylor, commenting on an accounting debacle that sunk his company’s value by almost two-thirds and forced it to restate two years of income from contracts that materialized right at the end of a quarter — or even after, The New York Times, 21 March 2000

I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY WEBSITE

“The trouble with ‘editor’s sexiness’ as a metric is that it is hard to quantify objectively.”

Slate editor Michael Kinsley, whipping out the metrics in a pissing match with Salon chairman David Talbot, Slate, 20 March 2000